Posts by Murray Smith

44

Have You Ever Experienced Depression?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..

Murray Smith

This is a great discussion . . . I too have sought the relief a certain herbacious product provides (it aint legal here), but try to keep it sparing.

Thanks for the kind words loz . . . the time I spent in hospital I could write a book about, but it was by and large a very healthy experience. I was in a psychiatric ward and was able to meet a whole host of people suffering in different ways. The positive thing was, that in spite of the seeming hopelessness of their situation . . . most had a suprising degree of optimism.

I remember one young girl (about 17) who had been born to a mother with a heroin habit and had been severely abused. She came across as a very gentle soul, but she had this streak of "steel" running up her spine that I came to admire immensly. In spite of her past and her current woes, she still held on to her dreams . . . a man, a family, children. I thought at first they were just 'faraway dreams' but ran into her a couple of years later . . . and she was doing great! The human spirit is a powerful thing . . . and she proved to me something very valuable . . . basically what FS and Sab said.

Luvonyall - MS

44

Have You Ever Experienced Depression?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..

Murray Smith

Yeah Sab . . . Ironically, that movie was made here in NZ . . . the little bugger get's around though . . . not a great travelling companion . . . but we're stuck with him.

Don't be too afraid of the meds moe . . . I couldn't have recovered without them . . . side effects can be a bummer, but it's simply a cost/benefit equation . . . you don't necessarily become dependent on them . . . I'm med free now.

Luvonyall - MS

44

Have You Ever Experienced Depression?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..

Murray Smith

Thanks for that watersprout . . . like the Watchtower experience, it's one of those things you have to live through to understand. And yes, it was the cult living that was behind it . . . I had dealt with a string of heavy issues for several years prior . . . suicide of a young man from persecution for one (another story).

Recently here we have had a couple of major Earthquakes . . . destroyed most of CBD and thousands of homes. Funny thing is . . . when these two events ocurred (not to mention the 1000's of aftershocks), my elevated anxiety levels meant I felt no sense of alarm! In fact, I was able to be a calming influence on those in immediate proximity. I just felt normal and this enabled me to react quickly and practically . . . weird huh? Perhaps this disorder has some advantages???

@wasblind . . . spot on with the chemical imbalance point . . . that's what is behind my condition . . . it's not a "state of mind" and has no connection with conscious thought in my case . . .

It's wonderful to know I'm not alone here in more ways than one . . . and that's the best therapy I've ever had!

Luvonyall - MS

44

Have You Ever Experienced Depression?

by minimus in

jw
friends

my mom does and has every ailment under the sun.. i know more people that are under meds for depression than not.. fortunately, i do not suffer from depression but i wonder how many do or have, especially if you were a witness..

Murray Smith

Yes, I suffer from clinical depression. Prior to my experience I knew little about it . . . didn't seem important. but here's what happened in my case.

I used to be a Floor-tiler. While out laying bathroom tiles in a house, I was struck hard by an overwhelming sense of fear . . . fear like I've never felt before. I could literally see my own heart beating at a million miles an hour beneath my clothes and was overwhelmed by an irresistable need to RUN. This sensation was wierd . . . it had no stimulus or trigger but was so powerful. It was very frightening and I just couldn't undertstand what was happening. Well . . . run I did . . . I went straight to my van and left with the job half done . . . leaving behind my tools and even my lunch. I drove straight out of town . . . and kept right on driving . . . for 4 days! My journey took me over great distances (over 3500 km's), stopping only for gas. I never ate or slept. Each time I had to stop, my fear rose to almost uncontrollable panic. I couldn't listen to the radio as the sound of a human voice was intolerable. Being on the highway travelling 100-200 km/hr was the only way I felt "safe" . . . weird huh? I had stopped to relieve myself on a lonely country road. There was a storm progressing over the country and it was raining heavily . . . and it was pitch black. I heard a car approaching and dived into bushes on the roadside. Unbeknown to me the bushes obscured a 40 ft sheer drop into a ravine. I sailed through the air and landed heavily next to a raging torrent of water. I was in a deal of pain but recall only being relieved that the car approaching had not stopped. I lay there for many hours. I had decided that this was where my life would end. I said goodbye to my children and wept for them, and then closed my eyes and waited. I won't detail what followed . . . your probably getting worn out with reading . . . but obviously I didn't die.

I was told I had a depression/anxiety disorder, Many difficult years have since followed . . . hospitalisation several times . . . many drugs, counselling etc. I feel in control of the malady itself now to a livable degree, but it has cost a heap. I was largely "absent" and lost the close relationships I had with my kid's and that eats me up constantly. We lost our home equity, any money we had saved . . . everything.

Nowadays (6 years later) things are almost back to normal. I was 48 yrs old when it started (54 now). I am drug free because the side effects of most medications I have used are quite severe and for me ... intolerable. I am still not the person I used to be . . . and at times feel like a stranger to myself . . . I miss the old me a lot.

That's my experience with depression.

Luvonyall - MS

65

Hi, new to this forum. Figured I'd let everyone know about my story before I got involved.

by JonathanH in

if you just want the juicy details where i leave, i'll make disclaimer where it begins, if you just want to know what happened with the elders and organization after i realized it wasn't true, i'll mark that seperately.

we didn't do jack shit in service, or in the congregation.

maybe this was how jehovah came about?

Murray Smith

Greetings Jonathan and welcome! I have just finished reading your story . . . all the heartbreak and trauma that few (if any) escape . . . we all get to "run the gauntlet". Neverthelees, it's still hard to digest (I've been out for 7 yrs after being in for 25), and you have my sincere sympathies.

You are obviously a bright and learned young man with a passion for science . . . too much so for the bOrg to "dumb you down" . . . this has possibly been your saving grace. I (along with countless others here) enjoy subjects involving scientific discovery also . . . so your input is eagerly awaited. Be sure to stick around.

By the way . . ."in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king". . . . love that line!

Luvonyall - MS

73

New Believers, Studying.

by cupcakekourtney88 in

jw
friends

hey y'all!

my name is kourtney and i am new to this form and jehovah witnesses.

right now i am studying the book "what does the bible really teach".

Murray Smith

Kourtney . . . you already have the warning signs all around you . . . you are either "in" or "out" . . . you're already being told who you can have for friends . . . even among your own family! . . . and you're not even "converted" yet.

As you become more committed to the WT this type of control get's much more intense . . . believe me.

Take a very cautious approach and look for those signs of being "isolated" from those outside . . . it's not healthy . . . and why should it be necessary for goodness sake?

What God wants you to do? . . . is use that beautiful brain he gave you to "be on guard against men" and "make sure of all things"

Tread carefully my dear.

Luvonyall - MS

43

So here I am!

by jwmanager in

jw
friends

hello to everyone!

i guess the easiest way to introduce myself is by letting you know i'm headisspinning's husband.

it might take a little bit for me to open up, but i enjoy reading the posts and responses on here.

Murray Smith

I approached C of C the same way . . . takin it slow . . . best way to read it I reckon . . . and don't worry bout JWM . . . you just know we'll keep him busy enough! . . . happy reading!

Luvonyall - MS

31

June 15 W/T - "Should Youths Get Baptised?"

by sizemik in

the above mentioned article caught my eye for a couple of reasons .

.. it is obvious to most observers that the children of active jw's provide a potential "large army" and in spite of the attrition rate of jw youths (around 2/3's i believe), it's a resource the borg are keen to maximise.

there tactics appear to be encouraging baptism at an ever younger age.

Murray Smith

That's a very sad story lifeisgood . . . and I can't blame you for your feelings . . . that "if only things had been different" feeling is a crushing burden . . . especially in circumstances like yours. Your right about this . . . They don't care!

They clearly placed a lot between you and your Dad . . . and robbed you of plenty . . . but the love you both shared they never took away . . . it belonged to you then and it still belongs to you now . . . take comfort from that.

Luvonyall - MS

73

New Believers, Studying.

by cupcakekourtney88 in

jw
friends

hey y'all!

my name is kourtney and i am new to this form and jehovah witnesses.

right now i am studying the book "what does the bible really teach".

Murray Smith

Hi Kourtney and welcome to the forum. You will find plenty of on-line buddies here.

All I can say is be very careful about where you "throw your anxieties". The great majority of people here are ex-Jehovah's Witnesses and most of them were a part of this religion for 20/30/40 years . . . even more. The reason they are here is because circumstances forced them to step back and objectively re-eveluate this religion. Most also wish they had done that much earlier.

My advice to you is to make that objective evaluation NOW . . . don't wait. I'm guessing there will now follow a number of suggestions as to how you can do that.

Luvonyall - MS

29

Hello everyone

by jean-luc picard in

jw
friends

im new to your site so ill present myself.

its been 15 years since i escaped the borg.

i was in a unhappy marriage.

Murray Smith

BTW, not all counsellors are cut from the same cloth. If you are not bonding with the first counsellor you see, keep looking.

With you there Jgnat . . .

Just add my experience on the counselling thing, if I may . . . I first sought counselling after not attending meetings for about 2 years (25 yrs in), but I was "a bit of a mess". I then went in for another 6 months worth, a couple of years after that. Did me a whole heap of good with the anger/resentment side . . . I had some anger.

I got good men on both occasions . . . they knew there stuff, and I got answers that I may not otherwise have got . . . even to questions I hadn't thought of. It helped me heal for sure.

But then again . . . being on this site is of great value in itself.

Hope this offers something J-LP . . . see you around I hope.

Luvonyall - MS